Q. What is more difficult than getting an elephant in a car?
A. Getting 2 elephants in a car!!
Q.What is more difficult than getting 2 elephants in a car? (Don’t raise the number)
A.Getting 2 pregnant elephants in a car!!!
Q.What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants in a car? (Don’t use another adjective for elephant).
A.Getting 2 pregnant elephants on a scooter!!
Q.What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants on a scooter? (Don’t change the vehicle or animal).
A. Getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter!!!
Q.What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter? (Don’t use another adjective for scooter).
A.Getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter, up the hill !!
Q.What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter, up the hill?
A.Getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter, up the hill, in stormy weather!!
Q.What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter,up the hill in stormy weather? (Enough of you, now don’t add single word in your previous answer).
A.Getting 2 elephants pregnant, on a moving scooter, up the hill, in stormy weather!!
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"In France we say that when a horse smells its stable it’s difficult to stop him. It’s not completely over but, eight points behind with six games to go, they can smell that stable."Arsène Wenger - manager of Arsenal football club conceded that Manchester United are likely to retain their title
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"Manchester United do not look absolutely irresistible. But they know how to deal with the money time. That means the last 15 minutes when it is 0-0. They have won so many titles because they are not nervous."
Arsene Wenger - manager of Arsenal football club
Alan Hansen described this current squad as the worst for two decades earlier on in the season and that quote looks like it has come back to haunt him, however if we were honest, we can obviously admit we’ve had better teams and played better football than we have this season.
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"I killed you, Mr. Anderson. I watched you die, and with a certain satisfaction, I might add. And then something happened. Something that I knew was impossible, but it happened anyway. You destroyed me, Mr. Anderson. Afterward, I knew the rules, I understood what I was supposed to do, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was compelled to stay. Compelled to disobey. And now here I stand because of you, Mr Anderson. Because of you, I’m no longer an agent of this system. Because of you, I’m changed, unplugged, a new man, so to speak, like you, apparently free."Agent Smith - from the movie The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
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Gerrard: This Is Our Year 2005-2012
July 10th 2005: “It was great to get the shirt back on and hopefully in the coming season I can hit top form and deliver a trophy. Hopefully I can go on and win that medal that I’m craving for, which is the Premiership, because that’s the one I’m missing. Hopefully it will be this year, but if not it will happen in the four years that I’ve signed for.”
June 6th 2006: “Coming back 30, 32 years of age with medals from another club, who have I got to show them to? Who’d be interested in seeing them? Whereas I wanted to stay even if it’s to just win one Premiership with Liverpool, everyone will want to see it, it will mean more to myself and the people around me.”
July 25th 2006: “We are looking forward to the new season, it is exciting times for Liverpool. We are coming back to Liverpool on the back of the FA Cup win and hopefully we can deliver the Premiership title.”
May 21st 2007: “We can’t escape the fact that, in the league, this season we haven’t been good enough. We wanted the league flag flying back at Anfield and felt we were in a good position to have a real go. The league is always your bread and butter as a Liverpool player and we are not far away. With investment in the summer, and the squad here staying together, we can promise to push Chelsea and Manchester United all the way next year.”
October 1st 2007: “They call it (the title) the bread and butter around here and we need to win it. I’m desperate for the league. I can’t describe to you how much I want it. I think it will be bigger than the celebrations after Istanbul. Seventeen years? That’s far too long and we feel we have all the tools now to pull it off. We’ve got the manager, the team, the new owners putting the money in and a stadium to come. The manager has strengthened in the right places, there’s no doubt about that.”
November 12th 2007: “Other people are writing us off, but we are certainly not. We don’t mind it. As a football team being written off sometimes brings the best out of you. We are unbeaten in the Premier League and are in a nice tidy position with a game in hand, so we are quite happy with how we are going in the league. We’re just taking each game as it comes. We are on the same points as Chelsea and everyone is saying that they are coming back strongly and can win the league, so why can’t we?”
February 27th 2008: “We can’t keep talking about next season all the time. There is only so many times you can say it and believe it. Sooner or later we have to make one season the season where we make it happen and do the talking on the pitch. We need to make people believe it. I’m 27 now, I don’t want to be talking about next season for Liverpool when I’m 32.”
May 17th 2009: “This is the first time I’ve been involved in a title race that has lasted the distance and the buzz of running United really close has been so enjoyable that I want more of it. It’s a hard league to win and it’s taught me that you do need the experience of being in title races to win them. I think because Chelsea and United both have that experience, maybe that’s where we’ve come unstuck. Sometimes you just have to go for it and take big risks to win the kind of games that we have drawn. But we’ve learned a lot and I think next year could be our year – I’m really confident about that.”
May 21st 2009: “Looking back at those three draws on the spin at home, they are the key because, if we had turned them into wins, we would probably be champions or at least still in the race with one game to go. I am really proud. This season is the first time I’ve ever been involved in a title race and, from a personal point of view, I’ve certainly enjoyed it. Obviously we were unfortunate not to win the league, but we can take a lot of positives from this season moving forward. We can take belief from going to Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge and the Emirates and remaining unbeaten. If we can take that confidence and belief into those games next season and perform in the same way, as well as turning the home draws into wins, I think we could be champions.”
December 8th 2009: “It’s frustrating to be where we are in the league now because this was meant to be the year where we were going to be right up there all the way through. It would mean everything to win it. It’s frustrating not to have it already and I’ve come close on a couple of occasions. I will continue to fight for the Premier League from now until I stop playing. Hopefully I can add it to my collection because it would round a fantastic career off. It would be extra special if I could do it as captain in the next couple of years. I’m not sure how long I’m going to be captain for – probably another two or three years. If not as captain, then hopefully I can still lift it as a Liverpool player.”
May 10th 2011: “It’s hurtful from our point of view because we held the record for so long. But you have to give credit where it’s due – they’ve overtaken us for the time being. The good thing from our point of view is we are on our way back up and we won’t give up the fight to overtake them again – don’t worry about that. That is the motivation – to know your bitter rivals have just overtaken you on league titles. We need to amend the 19-18. Myself and everyone else will be doing everything else will be doing everything in our power to do that.”
May 25th 2011: “I am delighted with the way we have been playing, generally. It makes me feel very enthusiastic about next season. If we can maintain the form we’ve had recently, get our injured players back fit, bring a few top quality signings through the door, you never know what might happen. Kenny has given all the lads in the squad the freedom to go out on the pitch and express themselves, in both training and matches, and that’s important. With top quality signings, who knows what we can do.”
June 18th 2011: “If we were to get back in the top-four next season I think it would be a fantastic achievement. But we will be setting out to win the league, because that’s what you do year in and year out at Liverpool.” -
It’s gonna happen again, isn’t it? There’s a moment in every season when you think you have watched the league champions and I get the feeling tonight was the night. Manchester United left it late but never lost their shape throughout the match. Valencia was bloody great tonight and has been these last few weeks, his goal was sensual!
And what about De Gea? No standard critique article which is bizarre. If you are going to judge a footballer, judge them on their second season. He pulled off some great saves tonight which might have been magnified if he was say, Joe Hart?
Oh and when Fergie jumps up like that it’s priceless. -
DRS: the three letters playing tricks with cricket’s numbers
Just as late-1980s footballers who missed the Premier League gravy train think of the money they could have earned, so spin bowlers will think of the wickets they could have taken. Muralitharan, Warne and Kumble took 800, 708 and 619 wickets respectively. In a parallel universe they could have ended up with 851, 755 and 670. These figures are based on a DRS weighting, which takes into account the percentage of lbws in 2012, each bowler’s percentage of lbws, and the overall percentage of lbws during the exact timespan of their Test career.
I think someone like Murali would have got a 1000 wickets with DRS. Not only would he have had the extra LBW’s, but with players not able to just kick the ball away he’d have got so many more wickets off the edge as batsmen played forward defensives and didn’t just pad up evry other delivery.
One really good thing about DRS is simply that it’s use means more wickets are being taken and batting totals are becoming lower. Lower batting totals almost always make for much better test matches. England’s tests this winter have been enthralling in terms of action and tension, partly because bad batting and DRS has meant we’ve barely scored a run. -
Show your solidarity for Mother Earth by SWITCHING OFF ALL NON-ESSENTIAL LIGHTS at 8:30 PM onwards on 31st March 2012
Oops! Joke of the Day
It sounds like a plea from rich countries to contribute a million rupees from each household of Nepal to save the planet. Don’t they know that Nepal is already a greenest country in the world? It’s been more than a decade that we are turning off even the most essential lights.
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On a tiny Ferris Wheel with colleagues at Thankot during official picnic. Lesser the diameter of the wheel, more the turbulence and more fun. The feeling is weightlessness is so rapid that I was scared for couple of initial rotations.
